Thursday, March 8, 2007

fed up with the frum dating scene - m4w

A friend of mine recently sent me this craigslist posting by email. This guy hit the issue right on, and now i fear that can be me in a couple years.

I am already in my 30's.I am an honest and good-looking guy with a bright future.I have not even been on a date in over 2 years.The shadchanim dont return phone calls.The community looks down at you if you try to meet people on your own,then they call you a bum and smear your reputation.
But what is a person supposed to do.... I have been waiting for years for the shadchanim to call me back...... First they say... call me after Rosh Hashana.... after Rosh Hashana I call and they say they are busy getting ready for Sukkos..... same thing when Chanukah comes around.....then purim.....This week a shadchan called me crazy when I called her less that a month before Passover.Could you imagine what would happen if a shadchan brought her sick child to the doctor and the doctor said "sorry I cant help you because its 3 weeks before pesach and I have lots of cleaning to do". There would be an uproar. I am tired of the excuses.
Being an Orthodox Jew is like being a member in a club.You pay your membership dues (living a life of torah and mitzvos and giving tzedokah) and then you are supposed to get benefits (community support,aliyahs on shabbos,help with shidduchim) I feel like I am being asked to pay my dues, but when I ask for services I am shut out and treated like an animal.

It is my goal in life to be married and raise children in a healthy structured environment.I feel that when I tell this to people, they laugh at me.All the married men say "believe me young man, you dont want to get married". If that is true then WHY ARE THEY MARRIED!!!! If it is so bad they should divorce their wives!Could you imagine if someone told you grapefruits taste horrible, but they still eat grapefruits? What hypocrits!
I have already brought my case to Hashem.I davened at the Kotel and at the kever of Reb Yonasson ben Uzziel.And guess what? My prayers have gone unanswered, just like my calls to the shadchanim. So ladies and gentlemen, I dont mean to be graphic, but if I want to have children I must do it before I start shooting blanks.So I decided it is time to widen the pool of prospective wives.
Here is the bottom line: If I dont have a date with a Jewish girl by Saturday night, then Sunday morning I will go to St. Patricks cathedral and convert to Christianity.This is not a craigslist frum ad parody, I am serious. Have a nice day!


Original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/cas/290360130.html

19 comments:

Jennifer said...

Hi there,

I'm not Jewish, but I've heard plenty of negative stories about the Jewish Shadduch scene (my husband is Jewish). It's hard enough to find a partner who has the same life goals on your own, but when you're given the runaround by the matchmakers themselves, well, that's just horrible. So all I can do is bust a cliche and say hang in there. It will happen. I found my man after a disasterous relationship with a married man that was going no where. Just when I wrote off the dating scene forever and was in a deep depression about it (I was seriously thinking I would end up an old maid with 15 cats), Lo and Behold I met my wonderful husband. So if it's any consolation to you, maybe when you hit your low point in dating (and it sounds like you have), there she'll be standing there and everything will change so fast you'll forget all those times those matchmakers wrote you off. You sound like a very nice guy and sadly, nice guys are not appreciated by around 80% of women. I'll send some good vibes your way that you find that perfect person. After all, you deserve it.

Jennifer said...

Ooops, sorry, thought this was about you (don't you know people don't read, they scan? ;). Nonetheless, love your blog. Will keep it on my "must read" list.

socialworker/frustrated mom said...

Sounds extreme never heard of guys not having dates lined up, crazy scary stuff. Try not to think about that possibly being you, it is a far fetched case I would say. Hope you get her soon!

Shoshana said...

Ummm, if he's really considering converting to Christianity over something like broadening his dating techniques and horizons within the Jewish sphere, there may be a good reason shadchanim are not calling him back. Just a thought.

Anonymous said...

Interesting story good luck in the christian world, obviously this story is an exageration since anyone in their right mind would try non religious first then non-jews, and then maybe converting as a last resort. I've been told non jew ladies love Jewish men so I recommend playing the jew card while you have it.

Shmuel said...

I can't understand people relying on the shadchanim. There are so much better ways to meet people. You mentioned "they will say you are a bum" if you use other ways to meet people. Excuse me but ... Who the hell cares what "they" will say? Are "they" more important than your happiness? Whose life is it, yours or theirs? Just get on the damn internet or join a Jewish volunteer organization or a million other ideas? Screw the shadchanim and get on with it!

Anonymous said...

I think he was definitely serious. I mean, after all, ALL the religious shadchanim go to Craigslist to see if there are any good guys, so his threat to convert to Christianity must have really been directed to the right place! Oh, and about shooting blanks, that was not at all a transparent attempt at implying that he hasn't already shot enough blanks to populate a small country. And for those who really DID think he was serious, this whole response is called, "sarcasm" - that's s-a-r-c-a-s-m. It happens when someone says something but makes it obvious by the way he says it, that he means the exact opposite.

Mosheh said...

As a Jewish single living in Brooklyn. I feel his pain. I have only one suggestion for solving this whole singles problem and only if the singles would listen to this suggestion can there be hope.

What is that suggestion? To give each other a chance. Don't say no so quickly. What does it hurt to say yes to a date. Speak on the phone and only if you feel the person is totally off, then say no. But it it's average say yes. Make a short date for coffee under an hour. We must give each other a chance.

I have been on these Frum sites for years and have almost nothing to show for it. I have contacted hundreds of girls only to be told NO over and over again. Those who have contacted me I have accepted 90%.

Shadchonim are disappointing. Many of the times they just belittle you. But on the Frum sites where you can contact each other we have been bad to each other.

We need to work on ourselves in becoming better people and giving each other a chance. By having Rachmonis on each other G-d will have on us.

Mosheh

Notsofrummie said...

Well said moshe. With the limited amount of jewish guys and girls out there, we have to be more open minded. 2 hours of your time and a few dollars for cup of coffee can go a long way.

Anonymous said...

hello. i am ba'al teshuvah and I am(was?)seeing a woman who is ffb. we had many ups and downs during the year we were together. she left me this week, citing different needs. she is divorced, and is quite strong and independant, and has learned to take care of herself. I, on the other hand...have pressured her to spend too much time with me...and as a result I have chased her away. Does anyone have any advice about the proper way to treat a frum lady in regards to this issue? and in general? i fear it may be too late.

Anonymous said...

hmmm.. some free dating sites make money with adsense etc..



---------------
dating singles

Anonymous said...

in a recent survey 90% said most dating sites could offer better protection against scammers



---------------
filipino girls

Anonymous said...

think it make sense to think many dating sites operate diffrently with diverse opportunities



---------------
filipino girls

Anonymous said...

tired of comments like "Good morning! " or buy antibiotics online. Then write to me at icq 75949683256...

Anonymous said...

Can I have a hug?
---------------------------------------------------------
Signature:buy levitra professional online seg

Anonymous said...

You are welcome!
---------------------------------------------------------
Signature:lipitor 10mg hdhuv
buy lexapro online vujoe

Dating said...

Free Online Dating

Anonymous said...

You commit an error. Let's discuss. Write to me in PM, we will talk.

Anonymous said...

Absolutely with you it agree. In it something is also idea good, agree with you.