Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Do guys have to pay for a girl on a faux date?

Does the guy pay for a girl even if their not dating? Every so often I hang out with this girl, despite us trying the dating route which didn’t work out, we continue to go places once in a while as we share similar interests. I don’t want to discuss whether platonic relationships can work out and whether this is one. That’s been covered already enough in the blogosphere, so there really isn’t a need for people to hear me speak about it. This is about whether a guy should pay for the girl when they do hang out as friends.

Recently I took a full day trip out of state with this lady friend (it was just us), and after I offered to pay for the gas, I would’ve assumed she would cover the tolls and her own admission fee. She did tell me a few times that she is going to pay me back for the expenses I laid out for her (even a souvenir), but the end result was, she didn’t give me any of the money. If this isn’t a date and we are not in a relationship and we are going strictly as friends, I should treat her like other guys I hang out when I drive with them, although most people give me the money without me asking for it. I am not the kind of guy to ask for the money at the end of the trip, I hope they are nice and honest enough to cough up with cash voluntarily. Am I being ungentlemanly about this?


Jacob Da Jew said...


I would make her cough up the dough, and if she continued acting snotty about it, drop her sorry ass.

I once threw a party for a female co-worker/friend and even tho I felt uncomfortable, I asked for cash to cover the expenses.

~ Sarah ~ said...

nah, if it's not a date then she should pay for her own part. that's what i would do anyway.

Anonymous said...

hey nsf

this pseudo girl friend of yours. what is gonna happen next time around when you have to pay for the very expensive trip you 2 take? are you gonna cover that too? supposing you do? what happnes when you decide that enough is enough? what is she gonna say? oh im sorry, here is the money? (cue awkward feeling akin to realizing your fly is open and your tzitzis are hanging out.)
no no no.
get yourself a lawyer and demand payment. if she doesnt comply with your demand, drag her "i dont want to date, marry, or otherwise have a meaningful relationship with you butt" to small claims court and litigate her straight to hell!

wow im jacked up right now. Probably because i was just sniffing red magic marker at work!

Lance said...

NSF, you've hit on a real gray area. I almost always pay for small things such as drinks when I'm out with women, just because I've always believed that it's the gentlemanly thing to do and I can afford it. But more expensive purchases can be tricky, especially if she's not appreciative.

Notsofrummie said...

Not really sure if legal action route is the best way - but yeh i aint no one's sugar daddy for the day.

Anonymous said...

I'd just stop hanging out with her if I were you.

She might expect you to pay if you make more money and you sugested the trip, because maybe it sounded like you were offering her that you'd treat. The other thing is this... women and men communicate very differently... what would be understood among men is not the same among women and vice versa. If you've ever heard the "I said X" "Yeah, well, I did X." "But I meant Y, everyone knows that..." argument then you'll have at least some experience with what I'm talking about. Communication skills are... a very important skill to have. Just call her up or whatever communication medium works for you two best and say -look, I don't mean to take you out on dates when we go places, so I expect that you'll pay for yourself. Can you afford to do that? If not, we might have to not hang out together so much, becuase I can't afford or don't want to be paying for you as well." She'll either shape up or ship out.

Why whine about it when you can solve it by just confronting her/

I took an out-of-state trip with three Israeli guys and they never once paid for anything.. I ended up paying for the gas, the tolls, the admission fees and stuff and I was really pissed off about it when I came back that they hadn't the decency to pay for themselvse or at least pay for something on the ride. It was my car, too, dammit. Someone asked me why I just expected them to fork over money when they're sitting there thinking, Americans are all rich, Israelis are so poor.. why should we pay for anything? and I didn't confront them and say that I couldn't afford to take them on a joyride and pay for all three of them. I've learned my lesson. Just say something up front and if you're like me and you need the money or really want to be paid back, then hound them for it. either the other felolw or girl will pay you back and never go with you someplace again since they can't bum off you or else they'll know to pay you right away.

fashionista cat in a zero gravity shoe-store said...


I've found your blog through browsing others'.

Anyhow, in the secular world, she would be expected to pay for herself, and it would not be un-gentlemanly by you to expect her to do so. Take some advice from another female, you're being financially abused and you should stop this abuse by telling her that either she will have to cover her own expenses or you could as well spend your time with your buddies. She's likely using you as a back-up, cherishing in the convenience of your readiness to pay and hence treat her like a princess while that, if at all, should be exclusively reserved for a stable relationship in which you're the only one earning money. From your post, you sound like a nice guy. Don't sell yourself below value.

Notsofrummie said...

I am going to try to give her the benefit of the doubt for right now. Either i'll figure she doesnt have enough money (shes in school as opposed to working) and she really wants to give me the money back next time. I had fun for whatever thats worth (even more fun than hanging with a bunch of dudes), regardless, which im sure she did too. And its not like i am treating her out that often thats its becoming a major liability. but I am goin to to set this finace issue straight next time i am with her.

oakleyses said...

polo outlet, replica watches, louis vuitton, ugg boots, oakley sunglasses, ray ban sunglasses, air max, sac longchamp pas cher, prada outlet, jordan pas cher, tiffany and co, louis vuitton outlet, louboutin pas cher, polo ralph lauren outlet online, prada handbags, nike outlet, christian louboutin uk, michael kors pas cher, oakley sunglasses, nike free run, cheap oakley sunglasses, nike air max, longchamp outlet, gucci handbags, chanel handbags, oakley sunglasses wholesale, tiffany jewelry, kate spade outlet, louis vuitton, oakley sunglasses, burberry pas cher, nike roshe, jordan shoes, christian louboutin, louis vuitton outlet, uggs on sale, ugg boots, ray ban sunglasses, nike free, replica watches, nike air max, longchamp pas cher, louis vuitton outlet, christian louboutin shoes, longchamp outlet, tory burch outlet, christian louboutin outlet, polo ralph lauren, ray ban sunglasses

oakleyses said...

nike blazer pas cher, coach outlet, nike air force, timberland pas cher, michael kors outlet online, burberry handbags, ray ban uk, nike air max uk, ray ban pas cher, michael kors outlet, hollister uk, michael kors outlet online, nike air max uk, coach outlet store online, michael kors outlet online, true religion outlet, lululemon canada, north face, new balance, burberry outlet, kate spade, mulberry uk, hollister pas cher, ralph lauren uk, michael kors outlet, nike air max, abercrombie and fitch uk, north face uk, michael kors, nike tn, guess pas cher, vans pas cher, true religion jeans, michael kors outlet online, nike roshe run uk, coach purses, nike free uk, sac hermes, oakley pas cher, uggs outlet, michael kors outlet, converse pas cher, true religion outlet, true religion outlet, replica handbags, uggs outlet, hogan outlet, sac vanessa bruno, michael kors

oakleyses said...

mac cosmetics, nike air max, mont blanc pens, ferragamo shoes, new balance shoes, nike huaraches, abercrombie and fitch, hollister, nfl jerseys, north face outlet, vans outlet, celine handbags, valentino shoes, iphone cases, gucci, mcm handbags, nike roshe run, lancel, hollister clothing, p90x workout, oakley, ray ban, vans, chi flat iron, nike air max, jimmy choo outlet, herve leger, asics running shoes, baseball bats, hermes belt, converse outlet, instyler, ralph lauren, louboutin, hollister, insanity workout, ghd hair, bottega veneta, babyliss, soccer jerseys, timberland boots, longchamp uk, lululemon, converse, north face outlet, soccer shoes, nike trainers uk, reebok outlet, wedding dresses, beats by dre

oakleyses said...

ugg,uggs,uggs canada, louis vuitton, thomas sabo, louis vuitton, karen millen uk, louis vuitton, pandora charms, montre pas cher, wedding dresses, pandora uk, moncler, moncler outlet, moncler uk, marc jacobs, ugg, hollister, links of london, doudoune moncler, coach outlet, canada goose outlet, canada goose outlet, louis vuitton, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, louis vuitton, canada goose jackets, canada goose, pandora jewelry, toms shoes, juicy couture outlet, supra shoes, canada goose outlet, canada goose uk, moncler, juicy couture outlet, ugg pas cher, moncler outlet, moncler, replica watches, swarovski, pandora jewelry, ugg uk, swarovski crystal, canada goose, moncler, canada goose