Listen kids - you dont always have to listen to the Rabbis!

I know it’s been a while since I blogged, and no, I am not sure if I am making a come back, but I just didn’t want to leave it blank forever an dleave some people hanging and my job has been kinda lame since I stopped. It’s also not like I have been doing anything productive since I stopped writing.

Part of this post is to rebell a recent article someone told me he saw in the Jewish Observer. The article, written by a yeshivisha guy, blasted bloggers that write about putting down frumkeit and rabbonim and how it is hurting the younger generation. All I can think, how can I stop and not help out his cause at all cost. I must go back and piss them off more. I still have anger on the Rabonim and frumkeit as a whole; I must still continue to write bad things about the Rabbis and help ‘damage’ the minds of younger generation. This is what makes me sleep better at night.

How dare Frum Jews think for them selves? How dare frum jews find a way to make their point and have people hear it at will. How dare we question the higher authorities? Although I was glad to hear some of the comments were blasting the writer, but its still disturbing to hear that there are junkies out there who are scared of people realizing the “rabonim’ are not always right and we have a right to ask questions and argue and not ‘do as they say’. So kids, what have you learnt here; “Don’t always trust the Rabonim”! Now I can sleep tonight.

Lazy frummies dont mind 3 day yom tovim

After working three day work weeks the past month, I became really accustomed to it. Now that the holidays are over, and the next one in sight for which I have to take for I assume is Pesach, it’s going to be real hard to get back to normal schedule. No more of those long 3 days of eating, sleeping, walking, and more sleeping. Although after 1 day of that I was getting antsy of not being able to do much besides doing the aforementioned. I guess for the real frummie people who don’t work, or don’t do any outdoor activities and don’t have a TV anyways; these yom tovim isn’t really much different. I don’t think it really matter if they sit on their ass in the Beis Medrash all day on a regular day or a holiday. But someone who does all of those, it has a huge impact being stuck in building or area 3 days straight. When I am stuck in the office building all day, I have to take at least 3 walking breaks outside just to keep my sanity.

Now, I won’t have to worry about being stuck for yom tov 3 days straight for a while so, I think be ok. But working the normal 5 day work week, well, to be honest ill never get used to that.

My thoughts of Yom Kippur

Maybe its wrong of me not to look forward to this dreadful holiday, as I am sure many of you out there as well. But now I feel super relieved. Relieved that is over and do not have to look forward to fasting 25 hours and sitting in shul all day. On the positive side, hoping my sins got atoned, I can now start sinning again. And hope if im still around next yom kippur, I can atone for them again. During yom kippur when I was younger I used to rationalize of how after its over, three days later would be succos and ill be off and its going to legendary. Now that im working everyday its not succos, its not as legendary. Its not like I hate it, I just don’t look forward to it like I used to when I was in Yeshiva. Its just something I havta do.

Another thought that came up, why some shuls don’t have any breaks and sometimes go a complete hour after the fast is over to blow shofar. Are they trying to prove other shuls they are frummer them because they can say the words slower that slow. Or because they can fast an extra hour for absultety no reason. Luckily I was in a normal shul that blew shofar on schedule and had a decent break. Despite the genious black mantenence guy who didn’t know, put the cake and juice out an hour early, so I had to stare at the cake for most of neila and drool. You know I wasn’t that hungry until that happened. Plus I sat right next to the table so made it even more difficult on concetrating on the neila. But like I said earlier, I don’t have to worry about this again till next year. Yee haaw.

What are the responsibilities for a Rabbi of a shul?

I recently had a debate with a friend of mine, Lance, regarding the Rabbi of his shul, who was hired last year. The problem now is some board members want to fire him. Over the past few months they have complained of his lateness to shacharis in the morning, which as a Rabbi of a shul this is unacceptable. On top of that, they are having a hard time getting a minyan and he often constitutes the final 10.

Lance insists he is a great Rabbi to seek guidance from and very knowledgeable. He also lauds his weekly shiur, and therefore Lance is against his possible firing.

The debate we are having is what exactly a Rabbi's responsibilities are. My argument is a if a Rabbi of a shul should lead by example and maintain order, while offering guidance in other issues is an added bonus.

When I say leading by example, I mean coming on time and not talking. If there is too much talking in the shul, it is the rabbi’s job to try and keep it a minimum. I know the Rav of my modern shul stops laining if it gets too loud. A shul needs some kind of leadership. Despite us being adults, there still needs someone in charge. Imagine if an entire shul came a half an hour late. Imagine an entire shul talking so loud you can hear it from a block away. It's the Rabbi’s job to make sure those things don't happen be managing and leading the way. That can only work if he comes in on time every time (even early) and not talk ever during davening (while making sure others don’t talk as well).

Sorry Lance, this rabbi has got to go. Despite his very or even too ‘approachable’ attitude and his knowledge, a shul can not have a slacker for a Rabbi. Why should I come on time, why should I stop talking if the leader of my shul is doing the same thing as me?

Disrespectful 9/11 protestors

I walked over to ground zero earlier on my lunch break to pay my respects to those that were lost six years ago. Although I’ve been there many times before as I work only a few blocks away, but I thought ill make sure to make it my business to go on the actual anniversary. But for some reason, I am always more disappointed on the actual anniversary (as I was equally disappointed last year when I stopped by for the 5th anniversary), than during any other day of the year. This day seems to bring almost as many protestors as there were mourners and visitors combined. These people claiming that it was an inside job. That evil bush and the evil government planned the attack. It’s amazing how many naïve media whores there are out there to actually think that actually happened. Never mind my personal opinion on that matter, but to have hundreds of them wearing their ‘9/11 investigates’ t-shirts screaming all around is really disrespectful and uncalled on the day when almost 2800 people died.

I usually try not to make this blog political, as it is not a political one, but certain situations like these get under my skin. This has nothing to do with frum people or Jewish people, as I am sure there were some of them as well in this group, but more of an American and New Yorker. I hope these protestors can take their idiotic beliefs elsewhere or yell on a different day and have more respect next year.

Do guys have to pay for a girl on a faux date?

Does the guy pay for a girl even if their not dating? Every so often I hang out with this girl, despite us trying the dating route which didn’t work out, we continue to go places once in a while as we share similar interests. I don’t want to discuss whether platonic relationships can work out and whether this is one. That’s been covered already enough in the blogosphere, so there really isn’t a need for people to hear me speak about it. This is about whether a guy should pay for the girl when they do hang out as friends.

Recently I took a full day trip out of state with this lady friend (it was just us), and after I offered to pay for the gas, I would’ve assumed she would cover the tolls and her own admission fee. She did tell me a few times that she is going to pay me back for the expenses I laid out for her (even a souvenir), but the end result was, she didn’t give me any of the money. If this isn’t a date and we are not in a relationship and we are going strictly as friends, I should treat her like other guys I hang out when I drive with them, although most people give me the money without me asking for it. I am not the kind of guy to ask for the money at the end of the trip, I hope they are nice and honest enough to cough up with cash voluntarily. Am I being ungentlemanly about this?

I wish I knew more non frummies

I was thinking recently, rather I’ve been thinking this way before, but was thinking about this again more recently; I regret I didn’t know more non-frum and non-jews when I was growing up. I’m sure I’m not the only one, as most frum people from Flatbush never really had the opportunity to associate themselves with people other then their type either. I regret this however. When I grew up, my block was always 90 percent Jewish, so whoever I played with were frum yeshivish kids. Then came yeshiva, and again obviously, all frum Jewish guys. This was like all the way through high school and Israel beis medrash. Then came college, that was another story, you moved from hanging around and associating with frum guys, to frum guys and frum girls. But still hard to become close friends and hang out with the non-frum crowd. Yes, I spoke too many of the non-Jews and joked around a lot, but still we never actually hung out after wards like I would do with my close frum friends. Why is this?

Whenever I speak too my non frum acquaintances, their surprised that everyone of my close friends are orthodox jews. I’m surprised as well. But I never really had the opportunity and it just ‘sorta happened’ like this from my up bringing. Now, being post-college, it’s a little bit more difficult to gaining new friends that share the same interests like me, not to mention the difficulty to gaining non-jewish people that share the same interest. I understand that there can be issues, such as if they want to eat out in their restaurants or hang out on Friday nights or Saturday afternoons, it can create some problems. But these issues can be looked over and just tell them the differences, and do stuff where there is no eating involved (although this too is easy to overcome, I’m totally cool with just having a beer while they eat in a non-kosher place) or hanging out on shabbos.

I know a lot of sheltered frummies are totally against this and one may start bringing down pesukim saying how its “associating oneself with a non-jew is bad and lead to bad stuff’, but this is my view. I wish I had a more diverse group of friends, and I don’t mean by the kind of suit and whether or not they wear a black hat.

Hey Yeshivish guy on a date - drink the water!

I briefly wrote about this on a comment on a post I saw on nice Jewish guy’s blog a few days ago, in which he wrote about a funny sign he saw offering separate classes for dating advice. It was funny because it reminded me what I saw on Sunday in the mountains (yes I went there after I ran the half). When I was having a family barbeque at this outdoor park near some bungalow colonies and camps, there was this really yeshivish couple on a date a table away from us in this gazebo type setting. I know I shouldn’t be staring and judging at other people’s dates, as I hope no one analyzes my dates, but it was too hard not to. First let’s mention their attire; this guy was wearing a whole suit, tie and hat while the girl was wearing this thick black dress and long sleeves during the date. I’m thinking this guy must be sweating his ass off. I was hot in just my t-shirt while he’s outside with a whole suit on. I don’t wear suits ever on any dates for a whole other issue, no matter the temperature, but there’s got to be some kind of leniency when its 90 degrees out there for those yeshivish folks, seriously. Where does it say that they have to be uncomfortable during the entire date?

Another thing I noticed while they were there, which was like an hour, none of them showed any bodily motion. No arms or head movements, nothing, I get restless 5 minutes into a date, I start changing my seating position for a more comfortable one, but this guy and girl was firm for the whole time. Also, they brought water with them to drink, right, but an hour later both waters were still sealed closed. There was this other family there having a barbeque who was also getting a kick out of this date, he began yelling “open the water”, he even offered some of their left over beer they had. They ignored their bickering. I found it funny, somewhat mean, but still entertaining. The date finally had enough of us making fun and staring, they went to another park down the road (I noticed them from the car when we left).

If it’s anyone who needs tips on dating and advice its people like these. I’m not saying I know everything about dating, hell ill be married if I did, but I definitely know how to actually enjoy and feel comfortable during my dates and actually drink the water I bring.

NSF runs the NYC half

As I slowly regain feeling in both my legs from yesterday’s NYC half marathon, I wonder why people run these races, and how in the world 38,000 people run the full 26.2 mile around the 5 boroughs. The good news is I actually finished the race and I did it in about two hours eleven minutes, which is good enough for me. The max time was 3 hours or else you’re out of the race, which I was terrified of having to be picked up by bus for the people who weren’t able to finish it in the allotted time.

So I woke up at 4.40 yesterday to make to my corral at 6 am, for a race start of 7 am. Let it be told I have never waked up that early on a Sunday morning. Nsf likes his sleep. So after I stretch and wait in the enclosed area of the park for 45 min or so, I stand in my corral with thousands of other people, my position is still about 6 blocks away from the actual starting line. I fully regret this decision but it’s too late now. I can barely hear the horn go off and still not moving for at least 2 min, I see we start walking slowly, then running slowly, I was thinking I can do this, then we stopped for another min then we walk again, then we began running and I knew this was it (exactly 8 minutes after the official starting time). No stopping now. For the first few miles it was so tight, I tried not to run over people and not runners come into me. I saw 1 frum girl there walking smack in the middle of the pack of runners, I’m ok with people walking during the race, I walked for a minute or so by mile 11 or so but don’t do it in the middle of the pack especially at the beginning of the race where it’s really crowded, she caused this huge back up.

Before the race, I was talking to some people who ran these things before and they were giving me tips, I remember one was ‘pace yourself thru the park and hold yourself back when you have an urge to go faster’, which pretty much helped me out through the 7 miles through the park. I did the park in a pace a bit slower than I usually go, because the most I ran was 7 or 8 miles (not 13.1) but felt really comfortable when I actually left the park. Which was also probably the best part of my race, coming from a semi quit park to screaming cheerers and live music bands playing on 7th ave, that definitely helped me out.. I was even comfortable going to the west side highway, and then about half way down the west side, I felt my legs acting up on me. Although walking thru most of the water stops and grabbing a cup, my legs began to tire up. I walked 1 min here then ran another 10 min, it was kind of working. Then I hear people yelling ‘its almost over, right over that hill’, what a load of crap that was. I went over that hill and saw a sign another mile to go.. Ahhhh. Then every time I thought it was over – it wasn’t, it was just another damn sign saying how close you are, but no finish line.. where the hell is finish line?

It finally came at last, but then they made us slowly walk for 3 blocks full of thousands of other people as they give me a cold towel, my medal, and they take off my chip. Oh, how thankful that’s over, but still thinking, how cool will a full marathon be.

Tisha baav and working

I’m pretty happy the 3 weeks are almost over. Despite me not really holding back on much, due to the fact that I shaved and have listened to some music for 3 weeks (although very little during the 9 days though), but now I can go back to eating meat and listen to music guilt free. Also, now I can plan my rest of the summer activities, although there really isn’t much planned as of now.
But, what sucks when the 3 weeks end, it concludes with a major fast. I’m ok with fasting sometimes, I don’t enjoy it obviously, but it’s doable, which reminds me, some people have asked me if I am working on Tisha baav, and I keep on answering them yes. The simple reason is because I know if I don’t work, ill be sitting on my ass all day watching TV. So to me, working is more productive and more spiritual than watching oprah in the afternoon. I know many of the frummie people will tell me, go to a speech or something instead of watching TV. I know myself pretty well, that is not happening. I had my share my depressing speeches about the beis hamikdash back in the camp days. Those days are long gone. Nowadays, watching my coworkers eat their big Macs on tisha baav is enough pain and suffering for me to remind me of the destruction.

Frummie gals demand references

Im not sure of the number of girls I have gone out, so I am not sure how many of those were too frum for me or at my level or below, but I have enough to base a statistic off of it. I am talking about when a shidduch is brought up by a friend of a family or a friend of mine and the girl (or her parents) demands references. I can maybe somewhat understand if it was an actual shadchan making the shidduch to demand reference, due to the fact that the shadchan doesn’t know either party that well so use this is an extra insurance. Although, I think that is too frummie for me too. But I am more annoyed when someone when some one I know matches it up and the girl wants references. If the family or person knows them and me (and/or my family), then it’s as if you don’t trust them.

Also, my personal stats show that when someone like this wants refs, the girl is always more religious than me. Its obviously more this is normal for the frum crowd to constantly demand 5 phone numbers of neighbors, friends, and rabbis, and the pre-1A Morah, but it is less common with the more modern girls and who I went out with that were more my ‘speed’. Not the mention the other obvious defense that is always mentioned that “its only a few hours and some drinks, what do you got to loose”.

Maybe this is just me, but I am more interested in the more laid back, modern girls who trust friends rather than those other super overly cautious frummer gals who don’t trust anyone as they are scared of wasting their precious time with some random guy for 3 hours.

Is it unfrum to backpack?

After returning from a brief backpacking trip in Central America (2 weeks compared to people traveling for 6 months or more), I noticed something. I did not meet one frum person backpacking. Let alone the non religious Jews, I only met two who can bring themselves to hanging at hostels and hopping on and off the bus route. This was excluding the non religious Israelis, of whom there were many. I came across the same thing when I did some traveling in Europe a little while back. Is it not frum to backpack, especially a solo backpacker? Out there it was viewed as normal to go traveling by yourself through random countries. Over here, is it is viewed as strange. When I told a date about my trip before I left, she thought I was 'crazy' that I planned to go by myself.

Frum people need their groups of 4 of the same sex and to stay at fancy hotels in Miami. Many Jewish people also need their 5 star resort and look to be pampered as much as possible. It is below them to share a room with 7 random strangers on bunk beds without air conditioning and sometimes lacking hot water. And G-d forbid they meet new people on their trips. They must stick to themselves because the Torah says not to mingle with the goyim because we may become like them, right? Because they are all evil and the Jews are all righteous. Jews must remain sheltered. And then we wonder why there is so much anti Semitism in this world. I was proud that I represented one of the few frum solo backpackers out there.

Extravagant friday night Bar Mitzvah

I guess bar mitzvahs have changed since my days of actively attending them back when I was 13. I was at a relative’s bar mitzvah this past shabbos, and all I can say is that are many other ways to spend excess money. First I thought when some one makes the main event on a Friday night; the family was trying to save money by not having it on a weeknight. They get to save on expenses like photography and musicians. Oh, was I so wrong. Indeed, they did hire a photographer before shabbos as well as hiring 3 chasideshe guys to sing acapella during the meal. That Williger guy was there singing, but ive been told he was there as friend and wasn’t getting paid.

As I walked into the main hall which looked liked more like an ice bar with blue glowing stands, than a bar mitzvah reception, along with the 250 other guests, we were greeted by 42 waiters in crisp dry cleaned jackets all standing in synch, with the fancy dishes and way to many silverware to count. All I can think is, damn, there are a lot of waiters here. Eventually I got accustomed to the abundance of waiters; I was all set for the food. We started off with this huge square piece of gefilte fish wrapped up like a gift box with a bow (made out of celery) and flower on top. I must say, the fish was pretty good and that was just the beginning. Oh, let talk about the drinks for a bit. So, everyone got those vintage 8 ounce glass bottles of coke instead of the normal 2 litter bottle for the table. That’s not all; I was worried once I had one, that was it. Each time I polished one down, within 2 minutes the waiter swapped it with a new bottle. So the soup and main course was the regular food you have in most places, but then they came around with spare ribs. Now that’s what im talking about. Oh, and then of course the 3 options of desert, which was awesome.
The next morning, I along, with some other people I had spoken with had some stomach issues. That didn’t stop me from eating at the Kiddush, which was way out of control. Im talking about the 20 minute wait for the cholent, kugal, corn beef, and pieces of tongue, six flavors of herring with the coolest guys of flatbush And may I add they catered a fine selection of liquor for these hockers (although I downed a shot or 2 myself). I stuck around for lunch, was pretty nice, but nothing that wasn’t mentioned already (8 ounce soda bottles and 3 different types of schnitzel). All I can say, that was one of those extravagant bar mitzvahs I have ever attended, maybe im just not as classy as some people, especially for a bar mitzvah that took place Friday night.

How will I make it for 8 days without beer

I think Jewish holidays are pretty cool. A day or two of just chillin at home, whether im laying down taking a nap or reading a magazine leisurely, with out a worry of work or responsibilities which I may have. Its very relaxing. But there is something always some thing I have to give up. Succos requires you to freeze your tush off when you eat or snack outside, or having the bees buzzing around my head looking for a nibble.
As we approach Pesach, it gives me even more anxiety before and during the holiday. Im not talking about cleaning or any preparations for the big holiday, im talking about the mind set that I cant enjoy a good beer or down a slice of pizza at will. How will I make it through a day of work with out going to a bodega to pick me up a coffee. Some how I always make it through the rigorous 8 days just fine, but I start to think about for a week or 2 prior. Maybe by swallowing enough pizza and starbucks a day before, will make me not wanna have any of that for 8 days after. We shall see.

My View

So, this my first posting on this blog, or any blog for that matter. So I hope my opinions, as time goes on, become more outspoken and entertaining for the reader. I am no writer of any sort, so my grammar, spelling, and general coherency will probably be out of whack. But i am sure you will get what you need to know through my words. My college professor and English teachers can do it, so can you. That said, here is my general view of the frum world we live in. We are run by a select group of older rabbis who are old school, and who i may add commit plenty of wrongdoings of their own kind, and they are the ones who decide whats best for us. Next we have the Brooklyn mentality of having no respect for others and a feeling of superiority. One would think with all that Torah in their head, some good may actually come of it, well apparently not. Then we have the brooklyn jew girls, no matter ugly or fat, educated or not, deserving or not, going after the 1 nice tall good looking hotshot lawyer guy, and expect nothing less. i will go into greater details and stories as i think of them and as i continue this blog, but for not ill leave it as that. Am i the only one who thinks this way, are there others, i would love to hear your opinions..